This is not something that I ever thought I would be talking about – it’s one of those things that I’ve locked up in my never-to-be-mentioned box, you know? But I’m feeling okay at the moment and I think that right now might be a good time to take it out again.
I never thought that I would be someone who would worry about weight. I still don’t really consider to have worried – I don’t know, it’s just a scary thing to label something. It’s just a thing that happened to me, and it wasn’t even that big an event. I never did anything because I was too scared.
You see, when I was younger I didn’t have a lot of self confidence. I started getting spots from around the age of 10, when the majority of my friends still had very clear skin. I briefly turned to makeup, but even then there were people in videos telling me that I shouldn’t have to use makeup because I had perfect skin. I didn’t. I also became quite self-conscious about weight about a year later, when I was 11.
I feel so guilty for spending that summer swinging my legs under the desk because I thought it would burn calories and jumping up and down in the evenings. I feel bad that I have given in to the media and expectations. I don’t know if I should feel guilty at all, because I never acted on the voices inside of me. Yes, when I read warning tales like Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, I kind of secretly admired the heroine, but I never did anything. I don’t know if that makes it better of worse.
To be honest, I don’t really know anything. I don’t want other people to feel that way at such a young age (and I’m so young even now to be thinking about this). I don’t want my friend to eat almost nothing for lunch after skipping breakfast. Me? At the moment, I feel alright about myself, but when I wrote the first draft of this post a month and a half ago I was not alright. It was a post full of self-hate and it hurts to read it. I know that the doubt is still within me somewhere, however hard I try to erase it.
I used to think that worrying about weight was stupid and that I was invincible. I know that I’m not. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with my experiences, because my feelings are so complicated that it’s trying to sort out grains of sand. I guess I can just tell people and hope that they find something they recognise…?
Twist in the Taile 
I think the most important thing is to figure out *why* you’re worrying about weight, and how you plan to solve whatever problem you have. If you’re worried because everyone’s telling you negative things about yourself, then consider whether their concern is worth listening to before succumbing to the negativity. (I mean … if your GP is telling you to be careful of obesity or something, that is probably worth thinking about.) And don’t ever give up your health or dreams or yourself for what you think is better. Sure, if you want to become the best ballerina ever, then maybe you need to trim down on the chocolate. But if you’re taking time out of writing to do intensive workouts every day and you wanna be a NYT bestseller, then just rethink your priorities.
Wow, that turned out long, but I hope that was helpful and not too rambly. Have a great day 🙂
I think my main problem is that I don’t actually know why I’m getting worked up about this.
I’m not overweight, and no one has said anything specifically to me. I think it’s just the effect of overhearing comments and me being critical of myself. One of my favourite things about writing is that it doesn’t matter that much what you look like so I’m (hopefully) just going to try and stay healthy.
Hehe, I don’t mind rambles at all! I tend to use my blog to spill out all the stuff I’m confused about in a complete mess. Thank you for the advice 🙂
Weight and skin and everything else physical is such a big part of today’s society in the media, and it’s so horrible how it affects people. I’m glad that you’re feeling better about yourself now. As long as you exercise and eat healthfully, you’re probably the perfect weight for you.
Personally, I am a very skinny person. Many people want to be skinny, but sometimes this is very awkward for me. I’ve had a girl come up to me and tell me to eat a hamburger. My best friend is constantly talking about “fattening me up.” Although she’s mostly half-joking, I still feel it.
However, both these girls are bigger people–not overweight–and I think they are very self-conscious. They’re perfectly healthy girls and it kills me to see them so worried.
Please take care if yourself! And others around you. The media is stupid and shallow; don’t compare yourself to Victoria’s Secret models or the celebrities on TV.
It may help to read about it, if they’re any books about it, or maybe talk to your parents. Which I know is the worst; even I don’t tell my parents stuff. But maybe they went through a period of time like this and can help you. That’s what parents are for, anyway. 🙂
Stay beautiful and fabulous and awesome! 😀
think that sometimes people forget that in the same way some people are naturally bigger, some people are also naturally skinnier – it doesn’t necessarily mean that you eat any differently. *sighs* It would be nice just to live where everyone is accepted, but that doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen all that soon. It (ironically, I guess) really worries me to see people make offhand comments about their weight and not eating.
Thank you, and take care of yourself as well 🙂 I think if my worries start to come back I’ll try and talk to my parents, but you’re right in saying that it would be hard – I find it especially difficult to talk about body image and stuff.
Thank you once again for the words of advice! c: I’ll try to keep them in mind and hopefully I’ll be on the track to being happier.
I sometimes get freaked out about weight, and in a way what scares me most is that I’m getting worried…I find myself thinking ‘I shouldn’t be eating this’ about main meals, and that worries me – I’m terrified I would end up with anorexia or something. I think you just have to try and tune out everything going on around you and love yourself for yourself – I saw a quote that said something like “you’re going to be in your own skin for a while, so you might as well be comfortable in it”. I try and remember that whenever things are getting difficult! Sorry for that rambly and pointless comment, but hopefully you now know it’s not just you! 🙂
Yeah, it’s like a vicious cycle of worry. I tell people that they should be eating properly but then I go all hypocritical and start thinking that I shouldn’t be eating.
That’s a great quote! ❤ I'll remember it next time. I feel down – hopefully it will work for me too.
Comments are never pointless 🙂 Join the ramble club! It makes me feel better just knowing that I'm not the only one experiencing this kind of anxiety. c:
I don’t know how to really respond because I feel everyone experiences this differently, but a couple years ago I had an eating disorder, because I thought I was too fat. And the only things that I ate were apples. It was the idea of perfection that made me stop eating, and maybe that’s what it is like for you? Slowly, I’ve realized that perfection isn’t really something you should try to achieve, it’s just being the best /you/ can be.
Like you mentioned, there are people that say things like “you shouldn’t wear makeup, you’re beautiful”, but I mean, that’s kind of bullshit. If you feel like wearing makeup wear makeup. If you don’t, then don’t. You’re beautiful either way and as long as your comfortable, that’s all that matters.
But stay strong dude, do what makes you comfortable.
I think it’s not really that I want to look different because of others, but because of what I want to look like, for me. Those are some wonderful words there – hopefully they go into my brain 🙂
A lot of the time people say ‘you don’t need to cover up’ and stuff but I like to occasionally wear makeup because it makes me feel better. Makeup isn’t always a way to hide.
Thank you for the great words of advice, and please take care of yourself! 🙂
I hear ya, I do. I spent a childhood worried about my weight because I wasn’t slim (but not actually overweight…) but I was 12 and all my friends were SKINNY AS RAKES. It was terrifying. I don’t think I’ve ever quite shaken it, and I’m very conscious about what I eat and to stay healthy and exercise, but I don’t want it to define me, you know? There are much bigger things to worry about.
BE HEALTHY. That’s all I want and all I want to recommend. x)
I’d like to be able to say that I always exercise just because I want to, but it does make me think about my own body image and such. (Especially since the only sport I’m not absolutely rubbish at is swimming, which we don’t do at school.) It’s hard not to compare myself to other people, but I’m slowly learning how I can feel happier.
Thank you! 🙂 I shall try my utmost best.
Hi! I nominated your blog for the Versatile Blogger Award! My post can be found here—https://theenchantedbook.wordpress.com/2015/02/11/versatile-blogger-award/
Thank you! 😀 It might take a little while for me to get the post up, but it looks like fun.
You’re welcome 🙂
Recently I have been kind of worrying about this issue too, but I think the best bet for us all is to STOP WORRYING! Unless you really are obese, which I know you’re not. You are perfect so you need to STOP WORRYING about being sticklike (is that a word?) and to just enjoy yourself! If you want a chocolate every now and again don’t deprive yourself!!!! Love yourself and be happy with who you are!!!!!
I think not worrying sounds like a great plan 🙂 I get a bit under the weather sometimes, but usually come out the other side. I do like a nice bit of chocolate c:
Thank you for your kind words!
Aww thanks appletaile